Christian Courtship vs. Dating

By Angie Lewis

Is it old fashioned to walk up to a young women’s home, that you would like to get to know, meet her parents and be asked to come in to play scrabble or monopoly with her family? If you would rather be doing something else with her, than you shouldn’t be there at all. If a Christian man truly wants to get to know a woman for the prospect of possible marriage, does he need to have sex with her?

You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.
1 Corinthians 6:20

Is it old fashioned to remain pure until you’re married to the man or woman you have learned to love through the courtship process? Does it feel wrong to respect and value the person you’re going to marry by making sure they do not sin against their own body? Having sex before marriage is not what God intended for Christians.

Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body,
but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.
1 Corinthians 6:18-20

Why are Christians falling along the wayside, disregarding moral character and values to give in to their sexual lusts and desires? It is because of peer pressure – the world is pressuring young people to have sex – enabling them to have sex before marriage. The world scoffs at God’s principles and rebellion has set in. Understand that what is against the teachings of Christ for the Christian is rebellious in nature.

They said to you, “In the last times there will be scoffers who will follow their own ungodly desires.” These are the men who divide you, who follow mere natural instincts and do not have the Spirit. But you, dear friends, build yourselves up in your most holy faith and pray in the Holy Spirit. Keep yourselves in God’s love as you wait for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to bring you to eternal life”.
Jude 18-21

Churches, ministries, leaders, teachers, and parents should be offering solutions to the sexual quandary of dating that is corrupting the culture of society. There is so much sexual/lust pollution filtering through all the different forms of media today that the practice of having sexual relations (dating) at the age of fourteen seems almost normal. Teenagers are getting pregnant at the age of twelve!

What about the safe and honorable practice of courtship? As a Christian young woman today, wouldn’t you rather be respected and valued for the person God made you to be than just another body to have sex with? When we take away Christ’s principles of love, and replace them with lustful feelings of desire, it confuses people into believing that it’s ok to sexually and emotionally abuse one another through the dating process. Society has confused sex and lust with love! But that’s not love – you have been deceived!

Courtship does not have the trappings of sex associated with it. When a man courts a woman it is because he wants to get to know her for who she is – not for what she can give him. He is already prepared to NOT have sex with her. He wants to respect and value her for the woman God created her to be. He wants to get to know her better because his future depends on it. There is nothing old fashioned about courtship – it is how God intended it to be.

It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality.
1 Thessalonians 4:3

In the dating relationship a young man or woman is trapped into having sex! In fact, it is a given they will have sex. They are literally trapped. Its like two spiders stuck in the web and they can’t get out until they finally give up and give in. The trap is the pressure of society pushing them into having sex.

Courtship involves principled actions of love. It does not involve sexual relations but teaches how to respect, honor, and commit to one another for the preparation of marriage. In essence, courtship is a word that has been applied to describe the biblical basis for the relationship leading up to marriage and is found in the bible through Mary and Joseph. Not only did Mary and Joseph court one another they were betrothed (engaged) for several years before they actually got married! During the betrothal there is no physical contact until the wedding; betrothal is the groundwork for spiritual and emotional maturing and caring for one another on the Christ-like principles of love.