How To Mend A Broken Heart
By Henrietta Elegunde
Broken heart experience is a very painful experience. Even
after some time has passed, pain can be triggered back by
anything that reminds you of your. It could be something as
simple as hearing a music on the radio, that reminds us about
our pain. Even though pain can get better with time, what you do
with the time is determines how long our healing process is.
Time is not the best healer, what we do with that time is the
best healer. I once met a woman who put her life on hold for 14
years after a painful divorce, and was still hurting, 14 years
later.
If you ever going to heal your broken heart, and find the
courage to love yourself and others again. You have to learn
some coping skills. A coping skill is a behavioral tool for
overcoming difficult situations, without correcting or
eliminating the underlying cause. So you don't need to analyze
or worry about the reason your heart got broken, to learn how to
feel good about yourself again. Coping skills will help you
overcome emotions like anger, feeling rejected, bitterness and
sadness, which usually follow a break up. If you don't learn to
control your emotions, they will control you. They will control
your mood, decisions, actions, habits, behavior, mentality,
mindset (your way of thinking) and wellbeing.
14 Helpful Tips For Mending Your Broken Heart :
1. Acknowledge that your heart is broken. You can't mend or
change what you can't admit. Denial is being unwilling to face
the truth on either a conscious or subconscious level. Denial
doesn't make your problem go away, and it can lead to irrational
thinking, phobia and fear of facing the truth. It is important
to have some grieving time. If you refuse to acknowledge your
pain, it just stays at the back of your mind, it doesn't really
go away. In 1969, psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced
what has become known as the five stages of grief. They are as
follows:
Denial: "This can't be happening to
me."
Anger: " Why is this happening? Who
is to blame?"
Bargaining: "Make this not happen,
and in return I will ............."
Depression: "I'm too sad to do
anything."
Acceptance: "I'm at peace with what
is going to happen/has happened."
2. Recovery starts when you allow yourself to reconnect with
your interests. And learn to cultivate and connect with joy
again. When you tell yourself that it is alright to feel good
again. This starts through making efforts to focus your
attention away from your pain, to living purposefully again.
Recovery doesn't necessarily mean the end of your pain, but it
means that you're taking charge of your pain. And that your pain
is not controlling you anymore, because you've stopped reacting
to it. You have started to use your pain to motivate yourself.
After a previous break up, I lost three stones and got fit
again. Talk about getting your life back! Exercise is good
because, not only does it get you fit. It allows you to release
your aggression. And it releases the brain chemical serotonin,
which will give you a mood elevation and a happy buzz.
3. Your pain will eventually go away, after you've taken charge
of it. Even though it may not be immediately. People become
depressed when they don't deal with their negative feelings.
Confide in your loved one and God. Your loved ones will listen
and comfort you, but God will heal you inside out, when you put
your trust in him. Also pray for strength and healing
(emotional, spiritual physical and mental): Psalm 147:3 - "He
heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."
4. Don't look at your failed attempts as a reflection on you.
The fact that your failed at something, doesn't make you a
failure in life. Learn from this experience to give you a better
chance at succeeding next time. Were there any warning signs,
with hindsight? Many things we do in life require a few
attempts, before getting it right. Especially when we don't ask
for God's guidance first, before doing it.
5. Use this time of as a time of self discovery self acceptance
and self-awareness. Get to know yourself again, and find out
what makes you tick. Use this time to find out what you really
want out of life. If you don't know where you're going, you
won't know when you get there. If you don't know what you want,
you won't know what to pray for.
6. Try to find out what you really want in life. And don't
settle for less, but keep praying till you find it. You can also
start and join a prayer group, that empowers you. If it doesn't,
it's not the right one. If you can find the right one, start
your own. And find other people who wants to mend broken heart,
online or offline: James 5:16b - "The effective, fervent prayer
of a righteous man avails much
7. Develop a relationship with the Holy Spirit. When your
spiritual eyes are open, you will not choose the wrong person or
the wrong thing, to put your energy on. He can also direct and
teach you how to choose the right partner, friends and career:
John 14:26 - "But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the
Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will
remind you of everything I have said to you.
8. Be a friend to yourself by developing a winning mindset (way
of thinking). Watch you allow in your mind: Philippians 4:8 -
"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble,
whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely,
whatever is admirable if anything is excellent or praiseworthy
think about such things. "
9. Be your own friend by always being kind to yourself. And you
will attract people who will treat you nice and valuable. If you
can't treat yourself nicely, you can't expect other people to do
so.
10. Forgive yourself and whoever has hurt you They not worth you
being bugged down by emotional baggage's. Forgiveness is the
doorway to any new beginning and emotional freedom. We can't
move on in life unless we forgive, however painful it may be.
Lack of forgiveness is the doorway to continuous pain,
bitterness, anger, and sadness.
11. Shift your focus from pain to something positive. Fill your
time with good and productive activities. For example
volunteering, this will help you feel better about yourself,
because you're helping others. Or joining an evening class,
because you will make new friends. you will also have less time
to fixate on your pain.
12. Write down a list of your strength, and post it on your
wall. Look at it frequently, to remind and tell yourself that
you're lovable, and a good catch.
13. Re-invent yourself. Imagine and write down how you like to
be, and become it. This is not the same as pretending. When
you're pretending, you act in a particular way but you're
thinking in another way. Pretending is doing something while
telling yourself that this not who you are, you're just acting.
Re-inventing is doing something while telling yourself that this
is the new you. Changing your thinking, attitude and belief to
align with the new you. Imagine in your mind how someone who
have these new qualities behaves, and behave in such a way. How
do they walk, how do they talk. Set goals to increase your
chances of sticking to these. Research shows that if you can
pull off for 21 days, you will become this new person.
14. Make up and write down some positive affirmations. Read them
repeatedly daily, to program yourself to feel empowered again.
When we declare these affirmations with faith, it will become
established: Job 22:28 - "You will also declare a thing, And it
will be established for you;" Some examples of affirmation are
as follows."
I am lovable
I love the real me
I'm a winner
I am wonderfully and fearfully made
I am in charge of my mind.
I am a positive and confident person
Henrietta Elegunde is an Author, Life Coach, ordained minister
and Motivational Speaker.
She specializes in teaching how to
cultivate spiritual, mental, physical and emotional growth, in
order to achieve total wellbeing (being made whole) in your
life. She is the author of the book "Hallowed Be Thy Name".
