Stop Hurting: Start Loving
By Henrietta Elegunde
Life is a journey with optional destinations, Life is a journey
with optional destinations, where we end up is up to us. Pain
can either be a new beginning, or you allow it steal your joy.
This situation is trying to teach you something. You can either
learn to move on, or get stuck painful emotions. You can either
learn from pain and heal, or keep going round in circles.
If we always take the same actions, we will always arrive at the
same destination. You may not be able to stop your pain, but you
can choose whether it pushes forward or backward in life. Moving
on, starts with taking the first step; take that step today.
Learn how to start loving again. Start with yourself. Once your
self-love start radiating, it will soon start attracting others,
into your life.
Any unwanted change can be painful and a threat to ones security
and wellbeing. It can also have a big impact on self-esteem.
Pain is inevitable, but we have to feel the pain, and then move
on. People will become insecure, if they allow divorce to keep
dragging their spirit down.
It is essential that we all work on ourselves by learning how to
overcome traumatic events . Otherwise they will overcome us
with: anxiety, stress, frustration and disappointment. We can
learn to use our pain as an emotional tool for a positive
change.
We can either turn our pain into a stumbling block that will
immobilize us, and stop us from progressing in life. Or we can
turn our pain to a stepping stone, by using our pain as
motivation to get us to the next level. Emotional stumbling
block can develop as a result of lack of forgiveness. In order
to move on with our lives, there have to be forgiveness, even
when it is painful. Forgiveness is a choice, and not a feeling.
We will never feel like forgiving someone who has hurt us, but
we need to forgive people, in order to become emotional free
from them. We tend to dwell on things we haven't forgiven.
Feeling good again, start with forgiveness, because it allows us
to close the chapter. People with unfinished business find it
hard to open a new chapter. And this steals their joy. When they
refuse to forgive, bitterness would eat them up from inside out.
Bitterness happens as a result of unresolved anger. Bitterness
is like a cancer that can spreads to every part of people's
lives. And bitterness defiles a person: Hebrews 12:15 – “looking
carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any
root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many
become defiled;” (NKJV).
Bitterness is a seed that starts from a habit of negative
thinking, which has grown over a period of time. Like any seed,
it just gets bigger and bigger over time. Our thoughts usually
become what we talk about, what we talk about usually becomes
our actions. When we repeat these actions over some time, it
will become our attitude and affect our decisions. We need to
get rid of any bitterness, in order to heal. Bitterness can also
lead to a life of stress and depression, if it becomes a habit:
Ephesians 4:31 – “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger,
brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.”
Emotional baggage and garbage from lack of forgiveness, is what
really hold people back. Sometimes we need to learn to forgive
ourselves first. We often blame ourselves after traumatic
events, even when it is not our fault. This happens as a result
of false guilt, false humility or irrational thinking. Even when
it is our fault, we can let go and learn to make better choices.
Beating ourselves up is unproductive. Holding on to the
emotional baggage and garbage will only hold us back. God wants
His people to be free: Ephesians 4:32 - “Be kind and
compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in
Christ God forgave you.” (NIV)
Forgiveness opens door to new possibilities in life. Painful
situation can be a new beginning and a stepping stone to our new
life. Instead of it become a stumbling block that will steal our
joy and peace. Setbacks can be painful, but they either become
our stumbling block or stepping stones. The choice is ours to
make. We can either choose to be pessimistic, and allow our life
to be dragged down. Or become optimistic by allowing God to lift
us up: Psalm 147:6a – “The LORD lifts up the humble;” (NKJV)
We must learn to respond to life events, and not allow negative
emotions to respond for us. Emotions will either lead or be led.
Our emotion would always take over and control us, if we don't
actively take charge. We can learn to elicit the kind of feeling
that we really desire, rather than leaving it to life events,
our emotions or other people's opinion. Our mind is like a
computer; its output is dependent on our input. If we always
input positive things, we will always get a positive output, and
vice versa.
We must purposely choose our desired inputs, and disallow inputs
that we really don't want, in our mind. Our inputs include what
we read, who we listen to, what we what analyze, what we watch
and what we talk about. Our input will affect our decisions:
Luke 6:45 - “The good man brings good things out of the good
stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out
of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of
his heart his mouth speaks.” (NIV)
The good news is, we can purposely input great things, and
design our life outcome. Our inputs always start with our
thoughts. What has happened has happened. We must choose inputs
that build us up as human beings: Philippians 4:8 - “Finally,
brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is
right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is
admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about
such things.”
We must watch what we talk about, even in jest. It is what comes
out of our mouth that matter, not whether we mean it or not. God
has given us the freewill to choose. Our actions are either
destructive or productive. Our actions and decisions are either
taking us nearer to our life purpose, or taking us further from
it. The clues for what our purpose is, is revealed in our
strength and passion.
We were designed for a purpose; God has a life plan for us.
Things may not be working out in life, because we are not
working on the same page as God. God has our good future planned
for us. We need get on His page. We have tried our page and it
hasn't worked. We might has well try his: Jeremiah 29:11 - “For
I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to
prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a
future.”
We must not confuse passion with obsession. Passion is strength
while obsession is a weakness. Passion builds us, while
obsession destroys. Pursuing a passion brings peace. Pursuing an
obsession steal our peace. Passion is productive. Obsession is
destructive. Passion is healthy desires. Obsession is unhealthy
craving. Passion is not a sin. Obsession is usually sinful and
enslaving. We can comfortably have a break from a passion.
Obsession is an addiction.
The good news is that research shows that it takes only 21 days
to develop any new habit. All we have to do is repeat our
positive actions daily for 21 days. And it will become our new
positive habit. It is easier to replace our bad habits with
goods one, than to remove them. This is because habits can
become automatic.
If we always do the same things, we will always get the same
result. Life is a journey with optional destinations. If we
always take the same actions, we will always arrive at the same
destination. We may not be able to stop our setback, but we can
choose whether it pushes us forward or backward. We can choose
our own journey and destination. Every action and destination
starts with the first step. Start loving again. Start with
yourself. Once your self-love start radiating, it will start
attracting others. Start with positive self-talk today. Tell
yourself “I am a winner” everyday, until it becomes your
reality: Joel 3:10b - “Let the weak say, I am strong.”
Henrietta Elegunde is an Author, Life Coach, ordained minister
and Motivational Speaker.
She specializes in teaching how to
cultivate spiritual, mental, physical and emotional growth, in
order to achieve total wellbeing (being made whole) in your
life. She is the author of the book "Hallowed Be Thy Name".
